Flourishing in Every Way

Besides school and on the job, being a problem solver doesn’t always help—especially in relationships. From the many conversations that I’ve experienced, including ones with my spouse, I’ve realized that it is never necessary to help solve someone’s problem on the spot unless they specifically ask for advice and are seeking a concrete answer right then and there. I’ve solved problems—and I’m pretty good at it—although it might’ve helped in a sense, what I have actually done is, I’ve left the other person feeling more overwhelmed than before.

I’m learning that..

The solution can sometimes feel overwhelming in the moment.

Thankfully, there’s hope for problem solvers like me. I’ve thought of another approach—something I call a delayed solution.

This is how it works:

• During a conversation when a problem is shared, always emotionally relate/support
• After the conversation, remember the problem that was shared
• At a later time, only then consider providing a solution; hence, a delayed solution

It could look like this in action.

Problem shared during a conversation:

Cooking has been a daily struggle with a newborn, and we don’t have the means to eat out.

Delayed Solution Approach #1: Texting

• Maybe a couple of days later, you send a follow-up text and say, I thought of you. How’s the cooking going? Here’s a quick and easy pasta salad that we make all the time. Here’s the link. Hope y’all like it because we love it!

Delayed Solution Approach #2: In-person handover

• Next time you see this person, say, Hey, I thought of you. I had some time today to make a big batch of pasta salad and wanted to bring you guys some.
• If you don’t regularly see them, then personally drop it off at their home.

Delayed Solution Approach #3: Simple follow-up

• If there are no tangible solutions or you don’t have the means to provide one, then the bare minimum is to follow-up. Next time you see them, ask about it. If you don’t see them, send a follow-up text.

This approach signals to the person, Wow, they remembered. That alone is a win.

But beyond that, there’s something about a felt need being met tangibly—like making the pasta salad and bringing it directly to them. It has a way of winning someone over. And that feels like a double win.

I believe this repeated over time will build trust and depth in the relationship.

Some of you might already naturally do this. That’s great. This is something that I had to observe and learn over time, and relationally, I think this makes most sense to me.

Is this approach natural to you? Or are you a problem solver like me and have to be a little more intentional?

For all my problem solvers out there, consider this delayed solution approach and observe how your relationships evolve over time.